The Clams vs. Paul McCartney

I know this isn't entirely fair, as Sir Paul isn't (by his own admission) much of a chef, but here it goes anyway.

At some point - presumably when the internet was still more of a novelty - Paul decided to apply his characteristically cheesy persona to the art of internet cooking instruction. Here's his resulting instructional video: mashed potatoes with Paul.

So there you have it. The McCartney method for mashed potatoes.

Paul's potatoes in summary:
-potatoes
-salted water
-non-hydrogenated margarine
-organic sea salt
-semi-skimmed milk
-chopped onions
-fresh parsley (as a garnish, if you're feeling wild)

No offense to Paul, but these are some boring-ass mashers. I'm not saying that they wouldn't have their charm - I like standard mashed potatoes as much as the next guy. But geez, the guy's a vegetarian, you'd think he'd know how to zazz the potatoes up a little bit. (Hats-off to Murderface for the word "zazz.")

In response to Paul's recipe I thought I'd put forward my own mashed potato dish. Here it is:

Mashed potatoes, Clam style

-6 to 10 white potatoes
-1 to 3 sweet potatoes (potato ratio can vary as much as you want, really)
-unsalted butter
-milk (whole is the best, obviously)
-1 large bunch collard greens, or other leafy green such as chard or kale
-about 8 cloves garlic
-extra virgin olive oil
-salt
-fresh-ground black pepper
-ground chipotle, cayenne, or smoked paprika (choose one, or skip)

Scrub all potatoes thoroughly but do not peel. Set a large pot of salted water on high heat, chop the potatoes roughly and toss them in the water. Boil for about ten minutes, or until easily pierced with a fork.

While the potatoes are boiling, peel and mince the garlic. Set a saute pan on medium heat, add a few tablespoons of butter. When the butter has melted add the minced garlic. Saute until garlic is fragrant, but not brown. Remove pan from heat.

Wash and chop the collard greens, removing the rib from each leaf. This may take a while, so it might be advisable to do this ahead of time. There are a few options with the chopped greens. Your goal is to cook them briefly in order to soften them up - but in my opinion you really don't want to overcook them. I suppose you could toss them in with the potatoes for just a minute or so, before you take the potatoes off the heat. But I typically use an extra dutch oven or other large pot and heat a bit of olive oil or butter in it. I then add the greens, cover the pot, and let them cook down just a bit, until they're wilted and reduced in size.

Once the potatoes are done, take them off the heat, drain, and return the potatoes to the pot. Toss some butter in with the hot potatoes. I'd recommend using a decent amount - at least half a stick. Mash the potatoes as the butter melts. I like a relatively coarse mash, but do it to your own liking. Add the garlic/butter mixture and the cooked greens. Give the whole thing a bit of a mix to get an idea of the overall consistency, then add milk until you get the consistency you want. Season with salt, pepper, and a spicy pepper, if you're into it.

This recipe is very flexible, you can really experiment all over the place, if you feel like it. For instance, when you're at the milk-adding stage, you can easily add little or no milk, and use something else to smooth the mixture out instead - such as yogurt, buttermilk, olive oil, or some combination of these with the milk. Yogurt and buttermilk are particularly nice if you want to get a slight tart taste.

And that's it. I'll let you be the judge, but I think I can safely say that The Clams totally win this one. In your face McCartney!

*disclaimer* The Clams still really love the Beatles, but are still of the opinion that Paul tends to be a total chach.

The Clams Bake!

This Clam has never been much of a baker. I'm not sure if I can really explain it, but my culinary preferences tend to lean more toward the cooking side. However, we Clams do love good bread, and we also love dutch ovens (cast-iron in particular). So when OCF (Original Clam Friend) Maureen discovered a phenomenal recipe for a simple, dutch oven bread, I figured that my time had come.

The recipe comes courtesy of Mark Bittman's NY Times Dining column The Minimalist. I love his column, but this recipe came out of the archives - from 2006. I don't know how Maureen came across it. Say Maureen, how did you come across it? Anyway, I realize that everyone who's interested in baking may have already seen this recipe, but if you haven't, the recipe is great and the accompanying article is pretty fascinating as well. It's called No-Knead Bread. Here's the link.

So here's my brief recounting of the baking process. I was determined to time things so that I could bake this bread in time for Saturday brunch, so I started the dough around 4:30 on Friday afternoon. Starting this was possibly the easiest thing I've ever done in the kitchen. The process: combine flour, salt, yeast in bowl, add water, stir briefly, cover. And then leave it alone for 18 hours.

When 8:30 rolled around the next morning, following the recipe simply required me to turn the risen dough out onto a floured work surface, sprinkle it with flour, fold it twice, move it to a towel, and allow it to rise for two more hours. After that I heated the oven to 450 with the empty dutch oven inside. After everything was at full temperature, the dough went into the hot dutch oven, and then baked 30 minutes covered and about another 15 uncovered.

As is explained in the Times article, the dutch oven provides something that's fairly elusive in home bread baking - moisture retention. Apparently the loaf sort of steams in the dutch oven as it bakes. And I will say, the resulting loaf completely lived up to the hype. Great crumb and crust, as the bakers say. I'm still impressed that such an artisan bread creation took shape in my oven. I'll be putting this baking method into my regular rotation, and I can't wait to experiment with different things in the dough, such as whole wheat flour.

So, you know what to do now. Get your cast iron out. IMMEDIATELY.

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ALSO - The Clams are playing tomorrow night at Ronny's in Chicago! We'll be sharing the bill with our good friend Bill Tucker, Nathan Kalish and The Wildfire (from Grand Rapids, featuring our old friend Julio Gomez on guitar), and Shape Note.

Here's a flyer thingy:
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